A P.S. I Still Love You Just for To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

The film begins aptly in the form of a fantasy which may seem somewhat out of place in hindsight when looking at the totality of the film but it fit for me because the act that drives the movie mere minutes later in reality is, in 2018, somewhat magical in itself: the act of writing actual letters.

I don’t think I’ve done so in perhaps more than a decade. It’s now old, no longer a normal function, but as it is in this film it’s Lara Jean’s treasures locked up in what is in effect her secret wish box.

I have not read the novel, also titled To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, by Jenny Han that the film is based on but I wonder if the passing of Lara’s mom ties into some form of self-imposed stasis Lara attaches herself to. She watches and references old (for her) films, she specifically had not seen Fight Club a film that for many people of a certain age was the post-Coming of Age film, and instead she’s into a generation’s before Sixteen Candles, a more classic and incredibly dated coming of age tale that undoubtedly had to be something introduced to her by her parents. Indeed To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is today’s version and improved answer to Hughes’ films of the ’80s.

Every letter was addressed, yet boxed, some luddite’s version of those DM’s we didn’t send and have saved in our drafts. A rare part of ourselves that we don’t share, our precious moments of truth that we still cling too.

Everyone is great in this movie but it very much is Lana Condor’s film. She’s in almost every frame and ironically considering her relationship with transportation in the movie, she drives this film.

She’s the literal author of the mechanism that propels the movie and we watch her as her once, present, and/or future secrets and dreams are revealed to the world and confront her.

lara jean  Peter to all the boys i've loved before

Transportation is huge as a kid and from bus trips to being picked up, and by whom, for school are giant personal branding elements to kids – who we are, who we are with, who cares, who wants to see and be seen with us. People don’t typically travel with people they don’t like by choice.

The scene where Peter and Josh talk in front of Lara’s house after he drops her off in some way feels like this new age disjointed macho interaction of two boys saying things that don’t quite mean what they both are implying to each other, a western-esque style showdown, with Peter aloft on his mount being aloof to a Josh who is left literally taking out the trash, already abandoned by Lara Jean’s older sister.

Speaking of her, Margot (played by Janel Parrish in a brief but so important role as a big sister), herself is flying off in the beginning of the film, reaching the end of the journey her sisters still have to traverse but the beginning of a new one and as Lara Jean says, she is not one to look back.

Lara Jean is an introvert but fashionable. Invisible but yet exotic in the way perhaps asians know or are projected on more than most. She’s the middle child in a trio of sisters that includes an older sister who seems to have it together and a younger sister who already seems like the 3.0 next-gen heir apparent.

to all the boys i've loved before lana condor style

While there is the obvious tragedy in all their lives in the form of the early death of their mother, it’s something that happened before, they’ve lived since then and while they all in some form have dreams, they aren’t living a nightmare, this is a strong family and there is a core of simple idyllic normalcy that grounds the film and makes the representation at the heart of To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before even stronger: this was in every other way a normal and even very much above average family with a great father, home, and presumably more affluent than not upbringing. Pundits, there is nothing wrong with any of this.

Money isn’t an element in this movie. One of the kids isn’t some disaster. There is no torture here that isn’t the common self inflicted innocent tortures of childhood. These are good people living a good life when we meet them after they were dealt the most heavy of blows that impacted all of them. With that in mind it’s hard to not think they have a baller dad. Always said the right things, always put out positive energy, unconditionally love coming from him to all his girls and returned the same way.

I’ve seen commentary on the father being too put together, too obviously successful, and I wonder why they are these bad things in a movie for kids to catch on Netflix. There are solid people out there who step up when tragedy happens for their kids and even if he does have another side, even if he is broken, this is not his story, his story could occur behind closed doors when he is not being strong for his children. Sorry, not all people break bad forever, not all people are broken dudes from old P.I. novels – let us live. Not all stories are about the worst possible conclusions happening all at once. Not everyone is a loser. just keeping their head above or below the water. Tragedy can hit us all and we al lcope in different ways and have lives that go on.

What is the fascination of wanting to make everything reflect the worst?

It is the letters themselves that intrigued me the most because To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is about communication.

The letters, an anti-ansible, a character that knows what she wants, can get what she wants, leads a healthy non-toxic life at home, yet keeps it as her most treasured and guarded secret. It struck me that it was a member of her family that had to reveal and put these desires out into the world for Lara. As a single child this would not have happened for me, the youngest of the Covey girls revealed to be the Machiavellian mastermind behind Lara Jean putting herself out there, which seems fitting as successive generations have less and less fucks about saying what they want and speaking it into reality.

And To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before makes a statement. Like I said before, I could not avoid the talk of this movie, being sent messages from my nieces about it, and this is a movie that literally did not exists when I was a kid. Everybody in my school watching a movie by an asian american girl? Not even fathomable. Now? We are getting sequels and people are excited for it. Not Film Twitter, but actually people who don’t always need an angle to further their social existence or income (and by no means is this a rant abut film criticism, I love it, listen to a lot of pods, I live in southern Cali – I just question their targets). This shit makes people happy and is harmless so take your not even just bellow the surface anymore east asian hate angle somewhere else.

Sorry for living large.

Back to the evenly presented playing field versus some teenage dystopian existence, the altogether unsaid yet still existing screams of the differences and isolation asian americans can feel even beyond many teenagers do. Our differences are physically obvious, in many communities we are utterly unique, our excellence often expected. Lana Condor is a beautiful woman but she didn’t have to be to be obviously different in every frame she was in when she was at parties or in class, and that pressure, that existence, doesn’t have to be permanently life crippling to warrant being spotlighted, to be talked about, to have films made that reflect that.

I may have some more posts about To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before because I have feelings about Christine, Lara Jean’s best friend portrayed by Madeline Arthur, and a few other subjects that just struck deep to me in a way I never would have expected when I started the film, a film that is WILDLY successful for Netflix and feels like the type of film that 10 years from now newly formed adults will look back on with a special form of fondness which these days translates to having an unassailable permanent spot on your Netlfix watchlist.

Always and forever, Lara Jean.

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